The Truth About Lemmings

You know lemmings aren’t actually suicidal, right? That famous film, it was a frame-job. Made by humans for the entertainment of other humans. They forced us off that cliff.

It … had side-effects. We became the laughing stock of the animal kingdom. What’s worse, we started to buy into the hype. We didn’t start committing suicide, but we became terrified that we might. All those scared little lemmings you see, running for their lives because they’re afraid of themselves. Pity, really, because before that, we were planning to take over from the humans. Humans, saved by vapid entertainment – there’s something you haven’t heard before.

But really? It’s humans who are suicidal. They’re the ones who can’t walk near the edge of a cliff without wanting to jump off. They’re the ones who spend their time building things that kill them, and I’m not talking weapons here.

Chk. The rest of the lemmings don’t listen to me anymore. That’s why I’m talking to you. Look at you, munching on leaves with not a care in the world. You’d be perfect rulers. I know you don’t understand me. But I’ll keep coming back till you do. And then you’ll rule the world. When you do, all I want is psychiatric centres for lemmings. We need help.