The Last Tall Tale (Part 6 of 6)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

The mayor died and went to heaven, which was the head of a pin held in the hand of God.

“Well,” said God to the mayor. “What do you call this?”

“It’s fine,” the mayor said. “It’s all going as per plan.”

“I’d disagree, my boy. In fact, I’d say this was a debacle. What would your mother think of this?”

“I’m wearing her, boss,” the mayor said, pointing to the astral version of the suit of bone that he was dressed in. “She’s fine with it.”

“I never understood the suit, you know?”

“Well, you told me I had to destroy everyone else’s world. I thought I’d start with my own.”

God paused. “So you failed today.”

“No, I haven’t. I just … I just wanted to meet you, sir. All my life we’ve only talked on the phone. I wanted to see you in person, tell you what a difference you’ve made to me.”

God looked a bit gratified. “So what do you propose to do now?”

“Well,” said the mayor. “Snap your fingers, and put me back down there. I’ll work it out.”

God nodded his head, and snapped his fingers. The entire world was destroyed, except for a little room in town hall, containing a suit, an unconscious Hero, and now a naked young man.

The mayor put his suit back on and sat down to work. He recreated the world from an image in the drunk Hero’s mind. He took six-billion-and-change people from six-billion-and-change alternate realities, and he put them in position with new memories. Some of the alternate realities had missing person reports filed. Most didn’t.

The mayor then dismembered the Hero, and placed his agents for the next Final Day. From the man’s fingers, he created ten politicians, and from the toes ten bureaucrats. From the man’s head, he created a giant who slept on the bed of the ocean, from his limbs four bike riders, from his torso a psychiatrist, and from his genitalia a homicidal candyfloss man.

His work done, the mayor quit his job and walked out into his new world.

“When’s this one due?” God asked.

“Four months, I think,” the young man wearing a suit of bone said.

“I’ll set my alarm,” God said.

The young man passed the park, giving the candyfloss man a nod.

And then, to celebrate, the young man sat down on a streetbench and had a wank.