The Coo Quotient

The dread pirate Red-Eye of Nottingham was actually a pigeon. The first mate carried him around on his shoulders, but the official story was that the captain had a third red eye on his forehead, and that he sat in his cabin and gazed into the future and formulated strategies.

Red-Eye would fly around in times of battle and squawk instructions from the air. He was an efficient and cheap captain to have, surviving on water and a mug full of grain, living for the thrill of the chase.

Insider accounts say that he once fell in love with a gull and lived on a desert island with her for a year. But then the first mate coaxed him back with stories of a new rival, an eagle pirate with an eye-patch.

Entire sea-side villages were terrorised after Red-Eye’s return. There were songs written about the ship with the pigeon-eye flag, and the invincible captain with his all-seeing eye. No one talked about how the ship was always covered in pigeonshit.