People get off on the weirdest things. Some like to imagine they’re screwing dinosaurs. Some like to fuck each other’s feet. This … uh … friend of mine, he likes to sniff urinal cakes.

Uh … used ones. Like, specifically, ones in the more-frequented public toilets. I mean, don’t judge, man – he doesn’t harm anybody. And he locks the door of the toilet before he … engages with his pleasure.

Er … yeah, he does bring them home sometimes. Keeps them tightly wrapped in a plastic bag. But see, really, put it in perspective. This is a guy who masturbates about something odd, okay? No harm, no foul. So what if someone loses an odd urinal cake? It’s not like they’re that expensive.

I told you, man – don’t judge. Really. Please.