Scientific Study

News item: Watching four hours or more of television a day will kill you.

The facts behind the news: This nugget was gleaned from a survey taken in the Midlands wherein employees of an independent survey agency took questionnaires to a thousand households and got them answered.

The employees were trained with a certain rigour and discipline, and were therefore committed to getting proper and honest answers from the maximum number of civilians possible.

One of the questions in the sheet provided to the employees was ‘How many hours of television do you watch per day, on an average?’

If the answer was any quantity equal to or more than four, it triggered a post-hypnotic suggestion instilled in the surveyor’s brain by a trainer, following which the surveyor would extract an axe from their handbag and bury it in the head of the questioned party.

So there you go.