Roadside Prophet

Uh, hey … hey, you … Yes, excuse me. Might I interest you in being saved? I will be doing the saving, actually. If you just stop for a moment, I have quite a story to tell you. It is the story of the second coming and the apotheosis of mankind.

No? Okay, but are you sure? I have come a long way, you know. I even have a donkey. He’s just a prop, actually, I ride a motor-bicycle. See, I was supposed to have a certain number of followers by this date. My execution is looming nearer and nearer and … ha ha … I thought I should speed up a bit on the disciples angle. I have 11 apostles, and I need a twelfth. Although, frankly, most of the others could use replacements, if you’re offering. See, I don’t really have the budget to go on television and use the media as my … er … platform. And no one offered me a spot, exactly. I do have an ad in our local newspaper. See? Yes, it’s more of an article, and they call me the local loony. I’ll put that away, thank you.

Are you sure? I have some … uh, literature … you might be interested in. One is a biography of me. Well, yes, you can find a fictionalised version of my life story in any bookshop. But this … this is from the horse’s mouth, and it’s updated to include the latest developments. It’s a riveting read, even if I say so myself.

I have some magazines you might read too. Here, take one. See what you think. I’ll be here till Thursday. Yeah, that’ll be five bucks. Yes, I know it says free promotional material, but I haven’t had any food since lunch yesterday, and … oh, well-appreciated, really, well-appreciated. I’ll remember you during the rapture. Could you just enter your name in this file? Yes, on the page that says ‘TBS’. ‘To be saved’, see? Thank you.