The cat’s dead. I killed it. It got depressed and threw itself in front of a truck. I feel so sorry about it. Never getting a pet again. Maybe a goldfish. At least it can’t drown itself or anything.
I’m such a nice guy. This is just something I can’t help. I radiate sadness, apparently. Such a shitty power to have. I got it when I fell into a container of perfume essence. The perfume was called ‘Heave’.
At first, I was very jolly. I mean, just because I radiate it doesn’t mean I feel it too. But then everyone left. And I’m lonely. Just me and the internet. I think I’ll get one of those robot dogs. I can’t make a bunch of silicon chips depressed, can I?