Nirvana1 is2 a3 tool4. Love5 keeps6 us7 alive8.
1 – I have a replica of Kurt Cobain’s head on my desk, realistic down to the through-and-through gunshot wound. Limited edition, signed by Courtney Love. I saw her on tv yesterday, and she still looks so sad about his death.
2 – I created a 3D model of myself. Then I took apart every bit of this facsimile body and, removing the duplicates (eyes, arms etc.), I overlaid the rest onto each other and simplified this structure to its simplest form and stylised it into a 2D symbol. This symbol I got tattooed on my arm, and I scratched it onto places that have a personal significance to me. This is my sigil. My heart is not in my body. It is on my arm, and on a hundred other things. And when I die, I’ll spring forth from all of them and live a hundred and one more lives.
3 – In 1976, Dr. Steinarsch wrote a treatise about the word ‘a’. It was called ‘a’. Now, Dr. Steinarsch is in the hospital. Apparently the curve of the upper arc of his own personal ‘a’ is all that’s keeping him alive. His nephew wants to steal it for himself and sell it for drugs, but the black market would never touch the Steinarsch ‘a’. That’d be blasphemy. All the ‘a’s used in this piece have been used by permission of their respective owners and have been recreated from photographs of the originals.
4 – My friend Raj is a rat bastard. He liked to tie us down, prop our eyes open with specula and make us watch while he dissected and ate his pets. His parents couldn’t stop him. One of them was used a bucket to drain the blood into, and the other was used as a toilet.
5 – Once I jerked off onto a woman’s head and it exploded. She’s lying on my bed now, calling me back to fuck the wreckage of her neck.
6 – I have a rich friend who has bunkers under his mansion in case the Nuclear Holocaust happens soon. I once went to brown-nose him on the off chance I needed shelter. He lives in his private bunker. He worships his pet rabbit, which sits on a throne made of car doors. There are servants pouring fragrant oils onto the rabbit. The rabbit has been dead for quite a while. My friend stripped naked and knelt in front of his god and began to carve furrows into his chest and legs. The servants chanted erotic rhymes while they massaged his body. I really hope the holocaust doesn’t happen, or I’m fucked.
7 – It’s just you and me against the world, mate. You and me and this can of extra strong beer. But if you’re asking me to choose between you two …
8 – Before he was elected, the President of the World said a change was required. That was the operative word – Change. Now I sit here, scratching my testicles (from a bull), looking at my screen (one eye from a goat, the other from a fish), typing this (with my plastic fingers), while my tail (from a horse) keeps the flies (I swear I saw one with a human nose) away.