Johnny Tango and the Amazing Awesomeness

In his never-waning quest to fill the universe with crime and aggression, Johnny Tango pointed his spaceship towards the unexplored star system of Snurf, which the galactic authorities – the Masters of rule-Making (aka MOM) – had designated ‘Smells of Poo a Little’.

Johnny Tango was a hard man, and poo didn’t deter him. However, when he entered the system, he discovered that it did not, in fact, smell of poo, but was filled with all kinds of awesome planets.

One was made of Chocolate, one was made of sugar cereal, and the most amazing of them all, which Johnny Tango forthwith decided to name ‘Planet Awesomeocity’, was made entirely out of mango milkshake. MOM had deceived Johnny Tango and the entire population of the universe to believe that the only milk available in the whole wide cosmos was the vile unsugared milk you got from Planet Milkstand. But this was not true!

As the cheesecake sun smiled down upon the planet, Johnny Tango made a landing on the only landmass on the whole planet – a tiny floating island fitted with drinking straws all around.

Johnny Tango landed, and once he had tasted the mango milkshake, he decided that this was the one place in the universe where he would be truly happy. So he called up the Masters of rule-Making from his spaceship, and said, “You can stop worrying about me, MOM, I’m finally happy.” And without the crime and aggression of Johnny Tango, the universe was a more peaceful place and the Masters of rule-Making could get on with their sewing and tv-watching.

And that’s why, MOM, I want mango milkshake for breakfast every day.