Elwin, God of Improbable Deserts, was spat out of a cactus and brought up by an exiled tumbleweed. He is the one who makes deserts continue longer than they’re supposed to, and who makes them appear in places where you could swear the map showed a forest.

If you’re ever lost in a desert without water and your jeep stops and it’s like you’re in that scene from comics where you’re crawling across the sands with your tongue hanging out and steam rising from your scalp, what you should do is spit out your final (and this is important) gob of saliva and call on Elwin, and he’ll appear.

He won’t help you out or anything. In fact, he’ll probably buff his nails or stroke his beard as you collapse and die. But he’ll appreciate the fact that you thought of him.