Bathroom Conversation

“Darling,” he said, “I really am getting old. I have ear hair. What do you think? Keep it or lose it? I think it makes me dignified.”

She replied, “Shave it off and we’ll forget you ever said that. Dignified, my saggy arse. And while you’re at it, get rid of that plume under your nose. Every time I kiss you, I get a mouthful of pungent hair.”

“Oh, look who’s talking,” he said. “Tell me, did you get your beard styled recently? It’s looking particularly luxuriant.”

“How nice of you to notice,” she said. “Nice symmetrical effect, don’t you think?”

“If I get my nasal hair shaped, we’d look a mighty nice pair, wouldn’t we?”

“Nice try, sweetheart,” she said. “But if it’s still there on Sunday, I’m going to wake up in the middle of the night and do things to it with a knife. Without wearing my glasses.”

“Okay,” he replied. “I’ll set up an appointment with my usual ba—oh, I don’t have a usual barber.”

“And it shows, sweetheart. It shows.”